saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
