Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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