Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
