oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
