His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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