we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
