Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
True college students do jello shots in the library
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
