I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
only if we run a train.
done.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
