I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
