Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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