i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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