I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
