But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i love accidental penises.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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