you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
