dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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