marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
