where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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