he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't deserve a penis
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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