i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
