I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
