Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
