Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
