her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
