some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
