I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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