i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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