You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
