get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
