girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
