He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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