i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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