Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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