My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
