puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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