mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
This house was built for laser tag.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
