butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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