What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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