I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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