You're completely useless in the revolution.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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