some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
