You're my little dorito
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
