I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
how does that bad decision feel?
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