the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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