I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
