Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My breasts were aching with rage.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
