So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
