boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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