this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
