my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
