I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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