I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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