That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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