Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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