So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
