does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
