i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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