Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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